|Birth of a Legend
Pete: So what does an intelligent plant want?
Pete: (Take over the world) (legs) (compost) (pet beetle) (meaning of life)
Pete: Decisions, decisions.
Pete: Legs. I need legs.
Pete: Roots? I demand a refund.
Pete: (No legs. Roots. What can I do with roots.)
Pete: (Lets face it Pete. You're done for.)
Pete: (Stuck in one place forever...)
Pete: (No legs. Rooted to one spot.)
Pete: (Hang on. The scenery's changed.)
Pete: Legs! I knew my plan would work.
Pete: I've got legs. Now for some compost.
Pete: Actually, I'll take over the world first.
Pete: That way getting compost will be easy.
|Ruling the Debate
Fly: Why should you be ruler?
Pete: Any other questions?
Pete: Bow before me, worm.
Pete: Ah, brains! Do you want to work for me?
Pete: You shall be my number two.
Hora: What's in it for me?
Pete: Well, you can wear this pretty red hat...
Hora: So I have to terrorise people.
Pete: And in return you get this hat...
Hora: I'll do it if you keep the hat.
Hora: Where did you get that hat from, anyway?
Pete: It was by the empty table over there.
Hora: What the ... forget I asked.
Pete: All in sight accept me as leader.
Hora: You can only see far enough to spot us two, though.
Pete: I rule.
|Enter the Ladybird
Pete: Go worm! Find me more subjects.
Hora: My name happens to be 'Horatio the Worm'.
Pete: Go worm! Find me more subjects.
Hora: Okay, okay.
Hora: I found a ladybird.
Pete: Terrorise her.
Hora: Will you go out with me?
Hora: She's cowering.
Emma: (He asked me to go out with him.)
Emma: (He asked me to go out with him.)
Emma: Do you come here often?
Hora: No. This is the first time.
Hora: In fact. I haven't a clue what any of this is.
Hora: This bright thing ... I'll call it fire.
Cliff: Ah! There it is.
Emma: What the ...?
Hora: Beats me.
Hora: Right. We lost dinner.
Emma: Now what?
Ho/Em: We eat!
Hora: Have a nice day...
Emma: Penalty card. That's the badger.
|Stop that Thief
Hora: Right. Now to get the table...
Emma: You can't insure. It wasn't even yours.
Hora: Shh. Please. I have an idea.
Emma: A ruler must be able to keep law and order.
Emma: Track down the dinner thief.
Emma: You don't get out of it that easily.
Pete: (We've walked for hours and haven't found the thief.)
Pete: (We've travelled for hours and noone's challenged my leadership.)
Pete: I rule!
Hora: You'll get used to this...
Pete: Worm. You must be faster to catch the thief.
Pete: Ah. A bobby on the beetle. Good to see.
Pete: You! Stop thief!
Hora: Return our table.
Cliff: What? The tables was mine.
Hora: Finders keepers. Now give it back.
Pete: You stole their dinner.
Pete: So it is just that I eat you.
Pete: (It's nonsense, but I like this line of thought.)
|Lord of Creation
Cliff: You can't eat me. I'm your creator.
Pete: This stops me eating you how?
Cliff: It's trues. I'm a mad scientist.
Cliff: I wasn't clever enough to make good invention.
Cliff: So Is designed an intelligence ray.
Cliff: I gave you intelligence.
Pete: So? Why shouldn't I eat you?
Cliff: (I gaves him a one track mind.)
Cliff: So you want to eats your creator.
Cliff: Mary Shelley, eat yours heart out.
Pete: Who is she? I'll do that for her.
Pete: Why are you like that?
Cliff: When young, I suffered a chemical accident.
Cliff: So, like any others sane person, I became a mad scientist.
Cliff: OK. Insane Persons!
Pete: No. Why are you so small?
Cliff: The intelligences ray. It worked...
Cliff: ...but shrank me. I need helps.
Pete: (My plans + intelligence ray.)
Pete: (= plans that work = WORLD DOMINATION!)
Pete: We could form an excellent partnership.
Hora: I thought I was your partner.
Pete: You are. We're all a team.
All: A team.
Pete: And I'm the team leader.
Cliff: I ams taking over the world. I should leads.
Pete: No. I will rule it.
Emma: Can't you wait until you've got it?
Cliff: I shalls lead.
Pete: No. I will lead.
Cliff: You can lead nows if I can rule the world.
Pete: Where is the ray?
Cliff: Oh, there.
Cliff: I saids I needed help.
Pete: (Plan B - I eat him.)
Cliff: You must simply press the button lableds 'QXReset'.
Pete: You know I can't read.
Cliff: The blue one theres.
Cliff: Press the blue button, and the world will be yours oyster.
Pete: But I don't like oysters.
Cliff: Then ignore it.
Pete: "The world will be yours." I like it.
Pete: We've got your table. Now fly up and press the blue button.
Emma: But I can't fly.
Cliff: Hello? Wings?
Emma: Wings? I thought they were umbrellas.
Emma: Right - here goes.
Flap Flap Flap Flap
Emma: My parents never taught me...
Pete: I said higher!
Hora: I'm trying.
Pete: Higher, damn it!
Pete: (Not much use ... but that was fun.)
Emma: I don't care if I'm lighter...
Emma: whether it will help me fly...
Emma: I said NO!
Cliff: I need someones heavier. Could you...
Pete: Hows that ... Ugh.
Pete: I hit it!
Pete: (It got revenge...)
Cliff: Excellents! Now do that whens the ray is pointed ats us.
Pete: Forgot to mention?
Cliff: Is said sorry.
Emma: I wonder if the ray hit anything.
Hora: Doubt it. Besides, what harm can intelligence do?
Emma: I dread to think...
AntH: Work, Work, Work, Work, Work.
AntH: Strike, Strike, Strike, Strike!
Queen: What is the meaning of this?
Mill: We have worked without pay for too long.
Queen: What do you want me to pay?
Mill: None of your trick questions!
Mill: What do we want as pay?
Dilig: Well, I quite like doing work.
Mill: We demand extra work as pay.
Queen: Then you shall have it.
Mill: Hold on - who's paying for this extra work?
Queen: I'll give ants returning to their jobs free work.
AntH: Work, Work, Work, Work, Work.
|Caught in the Net
Cliff: (Must distracts him...)
Cliff: Wait! Is can show you the internet.
Cliff: I'll admits, I never understood people obaying commands to wait.
Pete: Remember kids - never leave the house without conc. sulphuric acid.
Pete: OK. I'll bite. What's the internet.
Cliff: I'll take you. Be warned - its dangerous in the wrong hand.
Hora: (What's this?)
Emma: What's that?
Hora: The Internet.
Emma: What's it like?
Hora: It's full. Go away.
Emma: What do you mean, 'It's full'?
Hora: Sorry - I misread it...
The Web is full of Idiots. Go Away...
Emma: What are you looking at?
Hora: Online comic strips.
Hora: Internet startups. The imagination these people have...
Emma: How can you control it if you can't type?
Hora: With the unaided power of my mind!
Hora: Nah. I'm moving the mouse with my tail.
Pete: The internet?
Cliff: This ways.
Pete: What are you looking at?
Pete: (Cut flowers? Some people are sick.)
Emma: We haven't been introduced.
Cliff: I'm called Cliff.
Emma: Oh, I am sorry.
Cliff: Its is a cross I must bears.
Cliff: And what's yours name?
Cliff: Nots 'Emma the ladybird' or something?
Emma: Think of it as an intelligence test.
Emma: I'm worried about what the ray hit.
Cliff: You're rights! It could create another monster like you.
Emma: Thanks for the vote of confidence...
Emma: You're a bit hypocritical, calling me a mutant.
Cliff: Whats do you mean? I'm the perfect shape for a mad scientists.
Emma: Never mind. Let's just find what the ray hit...
Mill: Do you have a job for me?
Queen: Explore south.
Queen: (That'll show her I don't trust her.)
Mill: (She trusts me with a mission!)
Queen: Bring back anything interesting.
Mill: What sort of thing?
Queen: Anything to stop me looking at sticks all day...
Queen: Before you ask, grass is not interesting.
Mill: What makes you think I was getting grass?
Queen: Stones aren't interesting either.
Mill: What made you think I was getting stones?
Mill: (She's good.)
Mill: What if it's too big?
Queen: You can lift over ten times your weight.
Mill: What if it's bigger?
Mill: What if it's still too big?
Queen: Take some other ants with you.
Queen: Pedd, Stud, Abs, Tru and Prud will accompany you.
Ped: That's Ped. One 'd'.
Mill: Everyone - head south!
Prud: Which way's south?
Mill: Never mind. Just follow me...
Ped: Do you think that names affect our personality, Prud?
Prud: We'd have to carefully check everyoune to be sure, Ped.
Ped: 'To check everyone carefully'. But I see your point.
Pred: What's your opinion, Stud?
Stud: Well, if there's one thing I learnt...
Stud: It's not to ask questions. I need a drink.
Mill: We'll split up and search the area.
Tru: What if we run into trouble?
Mill: Nonsense. What would be able to harm us?
Tru: Why are we going in this direction, Abs.
Abs: Well, I saw an interesting looking creature...
Abs: and I'm moving away from it as fast as possible.
Abs: We should be safe here.
Emma: Hello, I'm Emma.
Mill: Wow. A giant, talking ladybird.
Prud: Is she interesting enough.
Ped: I know. We'll ask.
Ped: How interesting are you?
Emma: I'm not boring, if that's what you mean.
Cliff: Erms, thanks.
Cliff: "I owes you one mutant ladybird."
Cliff: Hah! I saids you were a mutant!
|Build a better...
Hora: There's little interesting on the net.
Hora: It's all money making scams, bomb making instructions...
Hora: It's worrying anyone finds it useful.
Pete: It's all in text.
Hora: You'll be able to find a text-to-speech converter somewhere.
Pete: Well volunteered... come here.
Hora: You want me to read out bomb making instructions - why?
Pete: Bombs are cool.
Hora: Enough said.
Hora: Is it safe using instructions from the web?
Pete: They're written down - they must be correct.
Hora: 'Mix weedkiller and suger' ... are you sure this is safe?
Pete: Are you calling me a weed?
Hora: Well, no...
Pete: There you go, then.
Hora: Take the resulting mixture to a gun shop.
Hora: Pour it over the shopkeeper unless he gives you bombs.
Hora: This plan is stupid.
Pete: Yes - where do we find gun shops?
Hora: Shopkeepers in gun shops can probably defend themselves.
Pete: No they can't. You're forgetting...
Pete: guns and bombs are offensive weapons.
Pete: I suppose it was a daft idea, anyway.
Hora: Who could we use bombs on, anyway?
Cliff: Helps! The ants have kidnapped Emma.
Hora: They've set us up the bomb!
Hora: Sorry. I don't know what came over me.
Pete: How do we know she was kidnapped?
Cliff: A loads of ant carried her off leaving only an IOUs?
Pete: Maybe she was visiting them.
Hora: We've got to rescue her.
Hora: She's essential for ... for ...
Hora: She gives good backrubs.
Cliff: We'ves got to rescue Emma.
Cliff: I needs to perform genetic experiments on her.
Hora: Maybe she's safer with the ants.
Hora: No - we've got to rescue Emma.
Hora: Erm. If you don't, you can't rule her.
Pete: No time to waste. Lets go.
Cliff: We're going the wrong way.
Hora: Let go, damnit.
Child: Guess what I saw
Child: A worm, giant plant and white thing coming towards us.
Par: (The imagination kids have...)
Petul: Some creatures are asking for the ladybird.
Queen: Tell them to wait a little.
Petul: Go away.
Pete: Go away?
Petul: Yes. Erm, she's not here.
Petul: We ate her.
Hora: You ate her?
Petul: No, not really.
Petul: Too chewey. We threw most of her away.
Pete: She's really dead?
Pete: I suppose we'll go away then.
Petul: Come back in a bit.
Hora: You can't just walk away.
Pete: You're right.
Pete: I've decided to be your ruler.
Petul: But our queens still alive.
Pete: Gulp. That can be sorted out.
Hora: For Revenge!
Pete: For Power!
Cliff: For curiosities!
Emma: When you've quite finished.
Hora: We thought untrustworthy ants had killed you.
Emma: Why did you think that?
Hora: An untrustworthy ant told us...
Queen: Petul told you that?
Queen: I'll kill him...
Cliff: Is think that problem been dealt with...
Queen: Thats why you destroyed our hill?
Pete: Nope. I wanted to become your ruler.
Queen: Logical. I think.
Queen: You can rule if you replace the hill.
Pete: Is everyone demanding something?
Pete: Well, I'm not having it. You can get lost.
Emma: Wait. I have an idea...
Queen: Well, it'll do...
Queen: It is satisfactory.
Queen: Don't expect tribute until we have a new hill.
Pete: I want presents.
Hora: Alas. I hoped rulership was a one-way thing.
Hora: What do you want?
Pete: A surprise!
Hora: Why do awkward people always want surprises.
Emma: I got you this.
Pete: A platform.
Cliff: Heres's some compost.
Cliff: With addeds uranium.
Pete: What does the uranium do?
Cliff: It makes it glows in the dark
Cliff: so it's easys to find.
Pete: Doesn't that cause mutations?
Cliff: Wells, yes...
Pete: Can you add more?
Pete: Wheres my present?
Hora: I ordered one through the internet.
Hora: It should arrive any minute.
Hora: Are you all right?
Pete: Just about.
Pete: For a minute there, I thought I was pressed.
Pete: What is it?
Pete: Another platform.
Hora: It's a book.
Pete: You know I can't read.
Hora: Well, yes.
Hora: Thats why I got a book with big letters.
Pete: I can't read big letters either.
Hora: It won't come to that...
Hora: You'll have enough trouble opening it...
Pick: We decided we could give a present.
Pete: (How kind.)
Pete: They left a box.
Pete: (Oh. More ants.)
Pete: Run along. I'm full.
|The Big Idea||pcp0124|
Queen: What have you invented?
Cliff: An intelligences ray. Mahahahaha!
Cliff: Just practicing for whens I rule the world.
Queen: Why does everyone want to rule the world?
Cliff: Says the queen with hundreds of subjects
Queen: I was born to it
Cliff: Sos was I!
Queen: You were certainly born to experiment.
Cliff: Speaking of ants and exper...
Queen: What else have you invented?
Cliff: The leftshanded tin opener.
Cliff: So rightshanded people can open lefthanded tins.
Cliff: Alsos I invented the RGB2001!
Queen: What's that?
Cliff: A reallys cool acronym.
Cliff: RGBs stands for Robotic Gardening Butler
Queen: What's 2001?
Cliff: My favourites film!
Cliff: It keep your garden tidy.
Cliff: By destroying anything that shouldn't be there.
Cliff: Why do I gets a bad feeling about this?
Pete: These presents are great.
Pete: Nothing can stop me now!
Robot: TARGET AQUIRED. IDENTIFYING.
Robot: TARGET IDENTIFIED. WEED - DESTROY.
Robot: DESTROY TARGET. WEED - DESTROY.
Pete: Hello. What's your present?
Robot: DESTROY PLANT.
Pete: I don't want it. Get a different present.
Cliff: The RGB2001 get energys from plants it destroys.
Cliff: Look. There it is. Choosing a plant to...
Cliff: Choosing Pete.
Cliff: Quicks. Organise a teams to knock out the robot.
Cliff: You twos. Rescue Pete.
Cliff: (Excellents. Nothing for me to do.)
Pete: So you want to eat me?
Pete: (This has logistical problems.)
Hora: Its bigger, stronger and faster than us. Its invulnrable...
Emma: Theses an access panel on the back.
Hora: As I was saying, we can't possibly attack it directly.
Emma: We need to get at that panel.
Hora: No. We'll never be able to get up there.
Hora: Unless you fly.
Emma: Why shouldn't you fly.
Emma: After all, its your catapault.
Hora: No way. I gave it to you.
Pete: (I wish help would fall from the sky.)
Pete: (But its naive to expect that to happen.)
Pete: (I like being naive.)
Hora: I need fingers to open this panel.
Hora: Emma! This plan is useless!
Hora: I may be going down, but I'm going down fighting.
Pete: (If I'm going to die...)
Pete: (I'm entitled to a last meal.)
Robot: TARGET EVALUATE. GRASS - RELEASE.
Robot: FIND NEW TARGET. LOCATING.
Robot: TARGET AQUIRED. IDENTIFYING.
|Man and the Machine||pcp0145|
Robot: TARGET AQUIRED. IDENTIFYING.
Robot: TARGET IDENTIFIED. CREATOR - DESTROY.
Robot: KILL DESTROY ANNIHALATE KILL DEATH KILL DESTROY DEATH KILL KILL KILL
Cliff: Oh my gods.
Cliff: Another of my creatins is trying to kill me.
Cliff: Am I goods or what?
Cliff: Ahs. The ant table.
Cliff: Haven't you got the trap sorting out yet?
Cliff: Its coming after me!
Queen: I've trapped the robot.
Cliff: Now I can reprogram it.
Cliff: This is what I live for.
Cliff: Scalpal ands forceps, quick.
Late: We don't have them.
Cliff: That OK. I was only saying it for effect.
Cliff: That why thes calibration units doesn't work.
Cliff: Which means I can reconfigure the tree nodes.
Cliff: Microelectronics is easy when you're micro.
Cliff: You're just ins time. I'm reactivating the robot.
Emma: What? You must be mad.
Cliff: Stops it. You'll make me blush.
Cliff: I've upgraded the recognition system, threat detection, movement ...
Cliff: And most important...
Cliff: added tonnes of flashy lights.
Cliff: I've completelys upgraded the AI.
Emma: You made sure it wouldn't kill us?
Cliff: Damn. I knew I'd forgottens something.
|Time to Die||pcp0154|
Emma: So you made it even harder to stop the robot.
Emma: Have you improved the situation at all?
Cliff: Erm, now we can choose how we dies?
Emma: We have only one advantage...
Emma: The thoughts locked inside our brains.
Cliff: Is it a bad time to mention I added a brain scanner.
Robot: CHOOSE YOUR MANNER OF DEATH
Robot: WHAT IS CHOCOLATE
RGB: SELECTING MANNER OF DEATH. INITIATING TELEPATHY.
RGB: READING MINDS. DEATH SELECTED.
RGB: DEATH BY WATCHING OLD FILMS CHOSEN.
Hora: That's a manly way to die. I want to die like a worm
Emma: How do you 'die like a worm'?
Hora: The idea is usually you don't.
Pete: Well, I want to be killed by a death ray.
Pete: There's one over there...
Pete: Just press the blue button.
RGB: YOU ALL WANT TO DIE BY DEATH RAY?
RGB: STRANGE CREATURES. OH WELL.
R/P: (Problem solved)
|A Strange New World||pcp0161|
RGB: CREATURES TERMINATED...
Pete: I'm going to crunch that robot.
Hora: Go ahead.
Pete: (It's so much less satisfying without some token resistance.)
RGB: (DON'T DO IT)
Pete: This garden ain't big enough for the both of us...
RGB: YES IT IS
Pete: So I'll do this for fun.
Pete: Now to get rid of you...
RGB: WOW. I SURVIVED
Pete: Enough of that ... now ... are those my presents?
Pete: They're tiny...
Pete: When you grow up presents are disappointing.
Hora: Being big ... the things I've been pondering seem so small now.
Emma: So what will you do now?
Hora: Find bigger things to ponder.
Emma: How do you know there are big things to ponder?
Hora: There are always big things
Hora: Like me!
Hora: There are always big things to ponder. Truth is like an onion.
Emma: Is that meaningful or just trite?
Hora: I'm pondering that now.
Emma: Why not ponder what that thing is?
Hora: Waste of time. Just ask Cliff.
Emma: That's ... cheating.
Hora: What's that thing?
Cliff: It's a mono althaotropes bi-channel distribution chamberoids.
Hora: So now you know.
Emma: What does it do?
Cliff: I'ms not entirely sure.
Cliff: I've never quites dared test it.
Emma: So it does nothing.
Cliff: It's a mono althaotrope bi-chamber distributions chamberoid.
Cliff: It doesn't needs to do anything.
Pete: I can open the book you gave me now.
Pete: But the writing's small now.
Pete: And I still can't read it.
Hora: Well, we could shrink you again so the workds are big and Emma here could turn the pages.
Emma: Or we could use the intelligence ray.
Hora: Details, mere details.
Cliff: This shoulds give yous the ability to reads.
Pete: Extraordinary. My vocabulary has been elongated.
Pete: My locutional capacity becomes ameliorated!
Pete: Multisyllabic synonyms encumber communication.
Pete: I'm entangled in perpetual verbosity
Pete: That's better. Thanks.
Pete: Very High Voltage
Pete: My life has become so much richer.
Pete: (Now where's by book?)
Pete: Taking over the world for dummies?
Pete: Are you trying to suggest something?
Emma: You gave him that?
Hora: It'll distract him for a bit.
Emma: Ah. The 'dowsing the fire with petrol' approach.
Pete: One method for taking over the world is...
Pete: starting a religion.
Pete: Right. I'll do that.
Pete: Do you want to be a priest in my religion?
Emma: Who does it worship?
Pete: You are clearly not suitable.
Emma: Who does your religion worship.
Pete: Let's try again. It's my religion.
Emma: So you want people to worship you.
Emma: Sorry. I've already got such a religion.
Pete: You will help me start a religion.
Cliff: All right.
Cliff: Thesi books will tell you everything you needs.
Pete: "The cult of christianity'? I have some standards.
Cliff: You need to talks to someone with experience.
Cliff: One whos convert people on a day to day basis.
Cliff: In other words, a hermit.
Pete: Where can I find a hermit?
Cliff: The slope of mount Fijis are always a good place.
Cliff: Or there's one nexts door.
Pete: How do you know he's a hermit?
Cliff: It says 'Herr Mitt' on the front door.
Cliff: Besides, he lives on a pole in his garden.
Pete: Right. Let's find him.
Pete: Where is he?
Cliff: Erm, heres.
Cliff: We mays have problems talking to hims.
Pete: How can we get him down?
Cliff: We could wait until he notices us and comes down?
Cliff: That's anothers solution.
Mitt: .o(It's so peaceful up here)
Mitt: .o(The wind wafting through the trees)
Mitt: .o(The stability could be better)
Mitt: .o(I am at one with the earth)
Cliff: He's unconcious. We should leave him alone to wake up.
Pete: Wake up.
Cliff: .o(OK. Ignore me. I mean, I'm only a scientist.)
Cliff: If yous must wake him, at least uses the scientific method.
Cliff: Wakes up!
Pete: Ooh. I've an idea.
Pete: It's never failed to wake someone up...
Pete: .o(Never succeeded either, but...)
Cliff: That was your plans?
Pete: Look. It worked!
Mitt: .o(I thought they were ordinary mushrooms)
Mitt: W ... Wh ... Where am I?
Pete: Milton Keynes.
Cliff: Now look what you've done. He's fainted again.
Pete: We should get Emma to do this.
Cliff: Erm, I thinks she's busy.
Mitt: .o(A giant talking plant. I must be hallucinating)
Mitt: .o(I'll ignore it until it goes away.)
Mitt: .o(I wish it would stop throwing water at me, though)
Cliff: The waters doesn't seem to be working
Cliff: Let try electricies!
Mitt: I'm awake
Mitt: How do I know you're not a hallucination?
Mitt: OK. I'm convinced
Mitt: How can you exist? Gravity would kill you.
Pete: Not if I see him first.
Pete: Enough about me, let's talk about you.
Mitt: What's up?
Pete: It feels wrong to say it that way round.
Pete: I want you to start a religion.
Cliff: Time for thes electricity.
Pete: I'll get a cable...
Mitt: Erm, it was only for dramatic effect.
Cliff: Dos you always faint that often?
Mitt: Not much when visitors aren't there.
Mitt: I appreciate an audience.
Cliff: Do you faints when you're up your pole?
Mitt: I have done once. That hurt.
Mitt: But I got an ornamental pond out of it.
|The Hermits Tale||pcp0209|
Pete: Why did you faint when I asked you to start a religion?
Mitt: Well, it's a long story...
Pete: Goody. I love stories.
Mitt: This story starts back in the mists of time.
Mitt: When the universe was created...
Mitt: When I was born.
Mitt: In the beginning, there was the baby, and I was the baby and the baby was me.
Mitt: And I moved over the sleeping blanket, and I said 'Waah. Gah Ganov'.
Baby: Waah. Gah Ganov.
Mitt: And there was food.
Mitt: The years passed and I grew older, until one mild autumn...
Mitt: I stepped onto the only battleground that has ever mattered.
Mitt: My fame with conkers spread
Mitt: I won match after match
Mitt: Until I faced the ultimate test
Mitt: I lost and was walking home dejected when...
Mitt: Erm, nothing happened. But I did hear strange noises.
Mitt: Sorry. I don't know why I told you that bit.
Mitt: A few years later, in a charity conker match, I met Janet.
Mitt: She was stunning.
Mitt: She broke my conker and won my heart.
Mitt: We were married, but a year later she left me.
Mitt: I was heart broken.
Mitt: Dame Mitt ... Janet ... I love you!
Mitt: I turned to drinks
Mitt: And finally found solace up a pole, where I've been ever since.
Pete: What's that got to do with religion?
Mitt: Absolutely nothing.
Mitt: But would you listen to my life story if you knew it had no point?
Pete: I've listened to your story. Now start my religion
Pete: What are you waiting for? Create it!
Mitt: Well, you letting go would be nice.
Mitt: I need to ask some questions about the reli...
Pete: Nonono. Surprise me.
Pete: And if I don't like it, I'll eat you.
Mitt: But what type of religion do you want?
Pete: An easy question
Pete: A big one
Pete: I want a big religion.
Mitt: How big?
Pete: This big.
Mitt: I need to know more than 'My religion should be big'.
Pete: Oh, very well.
Pete: It should be blue.
Mitt: At least say what your religion should be called.
Pete: I don't want it to have a name.
Mitt: But a religion has to have a name...
Mitt: Otherwise, how can you tell it apart from other religions
Pete: We'll get rid of the other religions
Mitt: Until we've removed all religions, we need a name.
Mitt: .o(Ha. I've won this argument hands down)
Pete: I'll call it Amanda.
Mitt: .o(Or maybe not)
Mitt: You can't call a religion Amanda!
Mitt: You want something with poise ... style ...
Mitt: Like Janet
Mitt: Who do you want in your religion?
Pete: I rule
Mitt: But that's insane. It won't work and you can't do it...
Mitt: Your religion has to specialise
Pete: I'll specialise across the board!
Mitt: You really don't understand doing things by halves.
Mitt: The only way to get everyone to follow your religion...
Mitt: Is to take over the world!
Pete: I've decided not to start a religion
Mitt: Don't worry. I'm used to it.
Mitt: Everyone backs out when they realise they must take over the world.
Pete: .o(Back to square one)
Pete: .o(Having to take over the world again...)
Pete: .o(Good thing I enjoy it)
Emma: Look. I've found a scooter!
Hora: Cool. Can I have a go?
Hora: I don't think worms on scooters work
Cliff: Oi! Puts my scooter back!
Cliff: You might damages it, or worse still...
Cliff: someone might see you with it
Cliff: Beside, I need you to test the mono althaotropes bi-channel distribution chamberoid.
Emma: I thought you said it didn't do anything.
Cliff: Thens you won't mind testing it, will you?
Hora: I remember. You said it didn't need to do anything.
Cliff: Doesn't need to dos anything ... I don't know what it does ...
Cliff: What the difference?
Cliff: You stands here ... and yous stand here ...
Cliff: and I'll stand behind this radiations proof shield.
Hora: You've got a bad feeling about this too?
Cliff: Warps field stabilised ... activating photon cannon ...
Emma: How do you know which buttons to press, Cliff?
Cliff: Scientifics intuition. Now let me concentrate.
Emma: We're going to die.
Cliff: Final sequence initiated
Emma: Oh my word...
Hora: what happened
Hora: How weird. I think we've...
Emma: swapped bodies or personalities or something.
Hora: This has certain posibilities.
Cliff: Stop its, you two.
Cliff: You can't treat this machine as some sort ofs toy.
Cliff: Now swap back so I can have my turn.
Hora: How do we swap back?
Cliff: I turn off the machine like so.
Hora: How simple
Emma: Let's do that again...
Cliff: I want a gas now
Hora: We need to test it again
Emma: For safety.
Pete: Hi. What are you doing?
Cliff: Erm, nothings.
Hora: This machine doesn't work at all.
Pete: I'm glad you're not busy.
Pete: You all must give me money
Cliff: Here's as fiver. Now run alongs.
Pete: Nonono. I need to be rich.
Pete: This book says rich and powerful people rule the world.
Pete: And since I'm already powerful...
Cliff: How dos you expect to find that much money?
Cliff: Digging fors treasure or something?
Cliff: .o(Me and mys big month)
Pete: Found anything Horatio?
Pete: I'll take that as a no.
Hora: .o(Good idea)
Pete: Emma! Found anything?
Emma: I'll give you two guesses.
Pete: I suppose I should dig.
Pete: I've found something. Am I good or what.
Pete: I have discovered a vein...
Pete: of the purest, richest...
Cliff: You means you were looking for compost?
Cliff: There some in the back of the garden
Pete: Wow. You've got ... heaps ... of it.
Hora: Erm, Pete. Are you busy?
Pete: I'm contemplating my compost.
Cliff: Does Pete realise hows little compost is worth?
Emma: I think he just found out.
Hora: Think about it. If compost was that expensive
Hora: Well, you'd have a licence to print money.
Hora: Why did your eyes light up when I said 'print money'?
Pete: Cliff! I want you to invent a money machine.
Cliff: What's in it for mes?
Cliff: I must admit, that sound logical
Pete: Well? Invent my money machine!
Cliff: I don't need to. I have one right here.
Cliff: Wells, you could at leasts pretend to look surprised.
Pete: What does this button do?
Cliff: It turn the machine on
Cliff: Get mes out!
Pete: All right
Hora: OK. Now turn around and do the same for me.
Emma: This isn't english money.
Cliff: No. Is noticed that.
Cliff: I wonder where monopole is.
Cliff: We must finds the contry monopole!
Cliff: Not only will we be rich theres...
Cliff: but if it magnetic, we'll get a nobels prize.
Emma: Do you really think we'll find monopole?
Cliff: No, I suppose nots.
Cliff: This monopoly stuff is just toy money.
Pete: .o(I need another way to rule the world.)
Pete: .o(Blow it up and rule the remaining fragments?)
Pete: .o(It's been done)
Pete: .o(What about this one?)
Pete: .o(Terrorise the world using a giant plant)
Pete: .o(But where would I find a giant plant)
Pete: Hang on!
Pete: Let's Ride.
|The Big City||pcp0265|
|Little and Large||pcp0273|
Emma: I wonder what's happening to Pete.
Cliff: Hey! Listens to this!
Radio: NEWS FLASH! A GIANT PLANT HAS INVADED LONDON!
Radio: THE PRIME MINISTER COMMENTED "HE'S COOL"
Hora: He's having fun.
Radio: THE ARMY HAS BEEN CALLED IN TO STOP THE PLANT
Emma: Poor army.
Radio: THEY ARE ARMED WITH TACTICAL NUKES!
Hora: This is a contest's I've got to see.
Emma: We've got to stop him before he hurts himself
Emma: ...not to mention everyone else...
Hora: But how?
Emma: I have a cunning plan...
Emma: Turn up the skywriter
FREE COMPOST !!!!!!!!!!
Emma: That's better
Pete: Free Compost!
Pete: .o(I'm on it)
Pete: .o(Giving away free compost. What gullible idiots.)
Cliff: Wait until you cans see the white of his eyes
Emma: I could do that five minutes ago...
Pete: Hang on. I'm sure I recognise...
Pete: this place.
Pete: What have you done to me.
Pete: I WANT MY BODY BACK
Cliff: The feeling's mutuals
Emma: Are you all right?
Hora: Can't ... Control .. Body
Emma: Horatio! You're hitting things.
Hora: But backseat drivers will stop that happening ... Ha!
Emma: Cliff - is Pete forcing you to swap back?
Cliff: Don'ts worry - he doesn't know how to stop the machine
Pete: The machine!
Cliff: Allow me to reconsider that
Cliff: You'res breaking my machine
Cliff: What ... we've gots to get out of heres!
Cliff: All that work gone. All that efforts wasted...
Cliff: It tooks two years to collect enough tokens for it.
Cliff: You brokes my machine. I'll kills you!
Hora: I'm Horatio. You should blame the plant...
Pete: Blame me?
Cliff: No, I'm not sures it's worth the effort...
Pete: Now look at all the distruction Horatio's caused.
Pete: Hmm. They swapped our bodies for a reason.
Pete: I shall carry on his good work...
|Another Fine Plan
Emma: What do we do now?
Cliff: I'll have to start collecting coupons again.
Cliff: Look as if I won't get that tractor beam.
Emma: No - what do we do about Pete? He's destroying the place
Cliff: Stop! I haves a better idea
Cliff: This robot can do the panicing for us
Robot: PANIC! PANIC!
Emma: It's sweet
Hora: Can't we just use the intelligence ray to shrink Pete?
Cliff: It's nots designed for such power.
Cliff: Haves you seen my electricity bill?
Cliff: There another reason we can'ts shrink Pete with the ray
Cliff: The focusing crystal may shatter...
Hora: That's a chance I'm willing to take
Cliff: I'ms not. Come back!
Emma: He's getting close! FIRE!
Hora: It's not working. Something's blocking it.
Cliff: No dos I tell them or not?
Pete: .o(What are they doing with that machine?)
Pete: .o(Trying to steal my body!)
Emma: It's not working.
Hora: But the ray's on full power!
Emma: We're going to die!
Cliff: I'll plug it in. The damages is their responsibility, though.
Pete: I'm melting
Pete: I've melted
Cliff: They've shrunks themselves. I've got to find them.
Cliff: Fortunately, I know exactly where to look.
Cliff: They must be somewhere in my bowl of cocoloops.
Emma: Horatio! We survived!
Emma: Oh, Horatio
Emma: I'm so sorry
Pete: Hello. Why are you cradling a dead worm's bottom
Emma: The 'dead worm' is Horatio
Pete: Oh. I didn't realise.
Pete: Why are you cradling Horatio's bottom, then?
Emma: I'm hugging his bottom as his top's not available.
Pete: I'll free him
Pete: He's trapped. Carry on cuddling.
Pete: I thought if you cut a worm in half, both halves lived
Pete: Like chickens do if you cut their heads off
Emma: Next you'll be saying I can take cuttings of you.
Pete: Don't be disgusting
Pete: You just have to wait there for that half of Horatio to start living.
Pete: Look. He just moved!
Pete: Just kidding ... but the look on your face...
Emma: Horatio's dead. Don't you care at all?
Pete: Of course I do.
Pete: It means I've got ot find a new number two.
Emma: .o(Thank goodness Pete's gone... although I doubt he could make me feel much worse.)
Pete: Here. I've found a replacement for Horatio
Emma: I underestimated him again.
Pete: .o(Emma seems a bit stressed at the moment.
Pete: .o(Oh, well. I'm sure she and Terrence will get along marvelously.
Emma: I said, 'go away'.
|A New Strategy||pcp0307|
Pete: .o(Back to taking over the world)
Pete: .o('Build a business empire selling self help books to gullible people)
Pete: .o('Note: The author is currently attempting this strategy')
Pete: .o(I need a plan that will work)
Pete: .o(I know. I'll skip to the back of the book)
Pete: .o(Everyone knows that it's the last plan that succeeds)
Pete: And the plan is...
ZEN - This allows you to control yourself completely and makes you one with the universe. Therefore...
Pete: I'll control everything.
Pete: Wait! There's another entry.
Pete: Zen on the zenith of a ziggurat.
Pete: I think I'll stick to plain zen.
Emma: It's what he would have wanted...
Pete: 'To control yourself, you must reach enlightenment'
Pete: 'Enlightenment is a state of mind in which...'
Pete: .o(My geography's terrible. I didn't even realise there was a country called mind.)
Pete: Where do I find enlightenment?
Gary: Halfway between Erewhon and Utopia.
Pete: Excellent. Lead the way.
Gary: I don't know where Enlightenment is.
Pete: Then find it
Pete: Seek enlightenment, little grasshopper.
Gary: Enlightenment is a state of mind.
Pete: I know that. So take me to mind then.
Gary: That could be difficult.
Gary: You must find Enlightenment within yourself.
Pete: Well, tell me if you spot it
Pete: I need someone who understands zen
Pete: The hermit. He was completely useless...
Pete: So by the law of averages he'll answer my question perfectly
Pete: Yoohoo Mr Hermit!
Pete: No answer. Looks as if I'll have to climb up.
Pete: Or he'll have to come down
Mitt: .o(The pole's swaying again)
Mitt: .o(Fortunately, this time I have a parachute)
Mitt: .o(How do these things work?)
|The Mouth of Hermits
Pete: In one word, can you sum up zen for me
Pete: Thanks for your prompt and helpful respose
Pete: Is there anything you'd like to add?
Pete: Urghugg ... a rug! I'll get one right away!
Pete: I need a rug ... a table cloth will do.
Pete: Curses. Everything stayed on the table.
Pete: Right. Here's the rug ... where's the hermit?
Pete: He's buggered off
Pete: However now I have his tablecloth
Pete: With the hermit's tablecloth I can...
Pete: ...cover tables?
Pete: With this tablecloth I can be a Roman Emperor...
Pete: ...an old lady...
Pete: ...or a ghost!
Pete: I could disguise myself as...
Pete: A mysterious package!
Pete: How do I get out of this thing again?
Pete: Free ... oops. It's all torn up.
Pete: But is it art?
Pete: Tablecloths have nothing to do with zen anyway.
Pete: What I need is a ... a...
Pete: Can you give me a motorcycle?
Queen: Wait. I'll ask Robin Reli.
Robin: We don't have one in your size.
Queen: What do you need a motorcycle for?
Queen: For zen
Queen: I think you should talk to penit...
Penit: The key to zen is meditation
Pete: What's that then?
Penit: Sitting in one spot repeating one word to yourself.
Pete: I need someone to copy
Pete: Do you meditate by any chance
Petit: Don't be daft. Whoever heard of an ant meditating.
Pete: You mean that's it.
Penit: It's harder than it looks.
Pete: One word, one word, one word, one word, one word...
Pete: You're right. I'm bored already.
Pete: I need someone to copy meditation from
Pete: Someone sitting, repeating one word to themself
Pete: Two out of three ain't bad.
Miles: PANIC, PANIC
Miles: PANIC, PANIC
Pete: Panic, panic
Pete: Panic, panic
Miles: PANIC, PANIC
Pete: .o(Ironically, this is very soothing)
Pete: Repeating one word sitting down. I've done zen!
Emma: Are you doing anything useful?
Pete: I'm doing zen
Emma: I think I'll take that as a no...
Emma: I need your help. Terrence is missing.
Pete: Oh. Right.
Pete: So what do you want my help with?
Emma: We have to find Terrence
Emma: He's stupid, irritating, uncommunicative
Emma: But I miss him
|The second choice||pcp0341|
Pete: What ... Terrence has gone missing?
Emma: I know it must be a shock.
Pete: Yes - I need a new number two.
Emma: A new one? Again.
Pete: I do seem to go through them...
Pete: So I need one which is immortal.
Pete: Emma - Meet my new immortal number two
Emma: It's a stone
Emma: Your new number two is a stone?
Pete: Don't say that. You'll hurt it's feelings.
Pete: It's a rock.
Emma: Stones don't have feelings.
Pete: This one does.
Pete: See - it's giving you the cold shoulder.
Emma: What use is a rock as your number two?
Pete: It's steadfast, loyal
Pete: And highly intelligent
Emma: The rock's intelligent
Pete: Two plus two's five
Pete: You see - it knows better than to contradict me
Emma: You've got a number two, but we have to find Terrence
Pete: Right. And you can seek enlightenment while I'm gone
Emma: Think logically... where would a caterpiller go?
Pete: Into a garden.
Emma: Logical ... useless, but logical.
Pete: Wait - a caterpiller would go somewhere with plants.
Emma: Try to narrow things down a little...
Pete: I'm narrowing them down as little as I can.
Emma: Where would a caterpiller hide?
Pete: Behind some grass
Emma: So much for logic ... Terrence, were are you?
Pete: Hang on.
Pete: Do caterpillers have ears?
Emma: We could shout louder.
Strid: Could you keep the noise down - the queen is trying to sleep.
Strid: And, no, she doesn't know where terrence is.
Strid: Or, for that matter, what it is...
Strid: .o(Besides, we don't have the time to look for a Terrence)
Strid: .o(We have important work to do)
Strid: .o(Like working out where this caccoon came from)
Emma: The ant's don't know... but maybe we should ask round
Emma: There was a grasshopper...
Emma: ask the hermit...
Pete: They're all busy
Emma: But the hermit's right here
Pete: Cool. He's alive
Emma: Have you seen a caterpiller about this long?
Emma: Oh well, keep your eyes to the ground.
Emma: Let's face facts, we can't find Terrence.
Pete: Now you can help me look for zen
Emma: Since Cliff's intelligence ray has a zen setting, we'll find it.
Pete: I'm not sure I trust Cliff's machines
Pete: Remember what happened last time we used the ray?
Pete: Actually, that was fun. Let's go.
Emma: There. That should make it work as a zen ray.
Emma: Now all you have to do is press the green button.
Pete: I hate deja vu
Pete: We pressed the button last time and we can do it again.
Emma: True, except for two small points.
Emma: We didn't press the button last time and we can't do it again.
Emma: The RGB2001 which you destroyed pressed the button
Pete: Oh, yes.
Pete: I don't suppose I can undestroy him somehow
Emma: Afraid not
Pete: I know. Deligation. I'll get the rock to press the button.
Emma: How can a rock press a button?
Pete: Through my excellent aim.
Emma: You can't throw a rock at the machine. It may get damaged.
Pete: The rock or the machine?
Terr: You guys, need a hand?
Pete: Who are you?
Terr: The machine's started. Pete - move into place
Terr: And let me take you away from this, Emma.